Party

Party with me

Myself

And I

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UoPplpBPQxQ&ob=av2n

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Paradox

I feel…

Odd.

You ever have those moments when you just feel like telling people how you feel but you neither want or are asking for sympathetic remarks?  Just to say it.  And be heard.  Except you must be wanting attention if you say something like that.

Or when you feel like talking to someone and then five seconds later you don’t?

Or when you really want your friends to notice your existence but then you want to be left alone?  Just a simple recognition that your presence is missed.

Or how you don’t feel like talking or listening but you just the silence to speak volumes but how it’s “awkward” so you fill the spaces in with mindless babble.

Or how your life is seemingly taking leaps and bounds but you just want to take tiptoes and footsteps and somehow, you’re supposed to contain your life and yourself at the same time.

EmptYness.

Words being spoken.

No one listening.

Conversing with the chilly air.

 

Absence

Rising from the bed when he could not sleep

He paused and stared at the empty space beside him

Padding down the creaking stairs

He is determined to keep his eyes

Averted from the doorknob

Where her fingers last touched

Lavender and lemons still linger in the kitchen

Where he runs the faucet

Her scent

That third night

They were unable to say “I love you”

Wherever you go, I’ll go

Whatever strung those words together

Was broken by the slam of that door

 

Emotion Show

The crowd laughs and claps as I present to them

My show of tricks and juggling

The painted mask that adorns my face

Conceals these drips of salt streaking,

Almost like they are racing each other

Flooding the bottom of the mask

Which is so tight

The people cannot see the heavy stream

The act ends

I take a bow

And my mask smiles

Back stage, I take of the mask

Tears dissolved

I smile

To myself

Winter Break!!!

The semester is done.  Ohmigoodness.  I am so relieved to hear those words and I keep on repeating them to myself, slowly letting them sink in.  On top of that, I really think I did well on my Econ exam so I’m hoping with all my might and crossing my fingers and toes that I passed that class.  A 2.0 is pretty bad but at least it’s passing and quite frankly, that’s all I care about.  Eek!  Moving away seems SO much closer.  I just have to do one more semester- ONE MORE at the community college and then I’m off!!!  Freedom,  I can taste you so much better.  January through May.  I can do this.  Ha, I just checked, the day I go back to school, I have off for MLK.  Sweetness.  Anyway, I stopped by the store to get all my baking supplies.  Tomorrow is going to be super awesome.  I’m going to sleep in until 9 (9freakinAM), go to the library to pick up some books for my brother, and then come home and bake all day.  I keep refreshing my grades online, I just want to know, argh!  Here’s a list of what I’m going to make tomorrow…

Eggnog spritz
those peanut butter cookies with the Kisses in the middle
Truffles
Toffee
Sugar cookies
Christmas wreaths

I’m actually in a balanced mood right now.  I forget now and then that I have no friends…le sigh.

I’m gonna have a fun New Year’s Eve as usual.  Getting the top two wisdom teeth pulled and then going back on the 9th to get the bottom two.  Fun stuff I tell ya.

I need to do something during the summer.  May through August.  I’m not sure if I can last the whole time at home.  I mean it’s my last summer home, like my mom said, I probably won’t be coming home next summer, not all of it at least.  Still, I can’t survive.  Last spring and summer, I had classes so it was something to do.  I was looking up summer jobs but all of them are about 5 hours away from here meaning I’d have to stay up there.  It would be nice to work full time though…save up some bucks.  I don’t know if it’s worth it applying for jobs around here.  Part of me says “Why bother?” since I’ll be going away in August.  Part of me wants to look for a job up North but I would have to live up there obviously since I wouldn’t be commuting.  It would be nice to get familiarized with the town or that region since I’m going to be living up there.  I dunno…  my friend’s mom said she could get me a job at Applebee’s but since I found out I won’t be getting the car (*glares at parents*) like I thought I was, I’ll probably have to stick to on campus jobs or somewhere nearby.

I was looking up volunteer jobs in state too and there was seriously nothing.  Eghads.  Orientation is May 14th.  I desperately need a life in between then and then end of August.  Maybe I’ll just volunteer at the soup kitchen everyday or something.  June-July, June-July, hmmm.

Maybe I could just take more classes here.  It would be cheaper.

Stain

Weaving in and out of life

I grimace as I prick myself with the needle

A drop of blood drips onto the cloth

Spreading slowly until it’s the size of a dime

I wearily sigh

That isn’t the only stain soiling the linen

I’ll throw it in the wash

And watch the water turn to pink

Invisible Partner

Dancing to this bittersweet melody called Life

I twist in the invisible arms of my partner

Laughing as he dips me

And then I find myself falling

To the floor

One minute here

The next gone