Ramblings of the Introverted

Introvert: [n., adj. in-truh-vurt; v. in-truh-vurt]
noun

1.

a shy person.
2.

Psychology . a person characterized by concern primarilywith his or her own thoughts and feelings
My name is Katie and I am an introvert.  I have been this way all my life and I did not choose this.
For the most part, I have never had any problem with my introversion.  I am shy, quiet, not an impulsive thinker, nor a social butterfly.  Don’t get me wrong, I like people.  I have friends.  I have normal social skills and am not afraid to appear in public.  I like writing my thoughts out instead of saying them.  Some people might think I’m avoiding confrontation but I need to gather all of my thoughts and write them in a chronological order.  I can’t do that when I talk.  I get flustered and ramble when I open my mouth.  It’s frustrating.  I can’t get into arguments right on the spot, face-to-face.  I will undoubtedly end up losing.
I write letters.  Lots of them.  Venting and contemplating.  Some of them end up here, some get deleted.  I can handle 4/5 for only a few hours before I get irritated.  I need my space.  I’m not being rude;  I just need to breathe.  Those times when my little brother comes into my room and I’m fine and then two minutes later, I snap at him to go away.  My parents say I’m cooped up in my room all the time.  I know they’re right.  However, having my social life limited due to moderate access to the car/my dad’s good mood kind of depends.  I would probably just go roaming by myself anyway and waste a bunch of gas.  I like being alone the majority of the time.  If I want to hang around people, I will.
Why do I like being alone?  *shrugs*
I can think.  I feel smarter in the half hour I have to myself than an hour with hanging out with friends.
People bore me.  I also get this feeling of dragging people around like bowling balls attached to my ankles.
I get tired of drama.
I have commitment issues.  I absolutely hate being tied to something.  I know, it’s not good to be scattered.  Focus.  Determination.  Motivation.  All that shnazz.  Plus people drift away.  I try to drift before they do so as to beat around the bush.
I just like it, I guess.  When I move up North, I’m going to wake up for the sunrise every morning.  Just me.  It’ll be “my” thing.  No one else.  I like constant, dependent, steady things.  I can’t count on people.  I’m not trying to be cold.  I love spontaneity.  As long as it’s in my control.
Being alone and being lonely are different.  Sure, I get lonely a lot.  Distractions are all I need.  In Bride Wars, where Emma says to Liv, “We can’t run with iPods because iPods are for people who can”t be alone with their own thoughts.”  Listening to music, reading, visiting my favorite social sites, those aren’t because I’m trying to forget my life…my real one.  In lots of ways, I don’t even know.
Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: