insignificance

I wish I was more witty [insert witty phrase here]

Anyway, I was just trying to decide if I want to go home in between my 2 1/2 hour break I’ll have between my classes or hang out around the city because it would waste less gas and it reminded me about my wish to volunteer at the soup kitchen.  Granted, I’m not Catholic, persay, but I really do miss volunteering and I think besides my math class this term, I have relatively “easy” classes so volunteering wouldn’t get in the way of education or anything.  I’m still waiting for the other place to have their training sessions.  I’d rather volunteer there since it involves counseling kids, which is what I’m going into, at least the counseling part but I think going somewhere else might be faster.

Okok, maybe I’m volunteering for slightly selfish reasons although I do have to point out that I’m absolutely NOT volunteering so as to have one more “good deed” I can add to my resume or anything.  I have to admit I’m doing it more for the reason of just filling up time and distracting myself to make time speed up to May.

I also have to add that I really do like helping people, I’m not solely in it for my benefit.  My mom used to take us kids to the soup kitchen when we were younger and still being homeschooled.  It was kind of fun bagging sandwiches and ladling out vegetables to the people.  I think at that time, I didn’t necessarily realize how sad the situation was and seeing all the people who depended on that food and who came there the three times a day food was served.

I want to do things that make me snap out of my taking-things-for-granted-mode.  You ever feel that way?  Like you know you’re taking things for granted but you set it aside with a shrug and say, “I know, I’m lucky.”  You probably don’t.

I have a lot of good things going for me and my family.  My parents are smart with their money so while they’re not the richest people on Earth, they don’t have any financial worries (at least to my knowledge).  I’ve had a lot of privileges other kids haven’t.  I’m going to college.  I don’t have the fear of not being able to pay for college because I know my parents will give me a loan if it’s absolutely necessary.  I was raised to be independent so I know responsibility.  I pay for my own phone bill, I’m paying for my own tuition, I have a job, I pay for half of the car insurance.

At the same time, I don’t want to feel like I owe anyone.   I want to shrug off that debt.

Respect- is it earned or is it automatically obtained?  My professor said you should respect someone for the fact that they breath(e? I never know).  I don’t know if I agree.  Do I respect my parents?  More often yes than not but not always.  Do I like them?  Sometimes.  Do I love them?  Of course.  I don’t quite understand emotional attachments to family really.  I’m not blood-related to any of them which is a minor and often unimportant detail since I don’t choose to love someone based on their blood relation but sometimes I think about it.  Like that special connection mothers feel with their children at birth?  I don’t really have that.

At times, I’m adamant and think my parents don’t deserve my respect, they earn it.  I “mouth off” sometimes which to them is disrespect.  I don’t really see me saying what I think as disrespectful.  If I said it to spite or because I was too proud to back down, maybe.  To me, what is taken as disrespect is merely (personally) my sensible take on it.

For example, my mom asks me what to do about my brother and school because he doesn’t turn in his homework.  I tell her to let him not turn in the work and face the consequences.  He’s 14 years old.  He can’t be babied his whole life.  I told her last year that she should put him into the public schools again 8th grade year to make him rethink things over but she didn’t do it.  Sigh, I’m just the kid, no one listens to what I say, even if they ask for it.

So really, I suppose I respect people at first.  I’m polite, I say “no, ma’am” and “yes, sir” but if I get a drift of someone I don’t like then I’m less respectful and perhaps a bit more scornful.  :/ I know, one of my problems I need to adjust.

Come to think of it, I can’t really think of someone I don’t respect.  Liars, maybe.  Sigh, I’m a liar too though.  I don’t respect myself though.  Guess it’s all game.

 

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