Lonely

I saw “The Vow” yesterday as I mentioned.  Watching romantic movies leave me with mixed feelings of dread and wistfulness.  Besides musicals, romantic comedies are my favorite.  So why do I put myself through the torture?  I am a sadistic being.  😀  I grin at the end when girl ends up with boy.  I suppose I watch these shows to convince myself that there really will be a someone for me.  It’s stupid, I know.  It’s naive, like believing in fairy tales.

I bounce back and forth.  I tell myself to be patient.  I tell myself not to get discouraged.  But deep down, I wonder what other girls have that I don’t.  A voice?  Looks?  Smarts?  I’ve never ever been in a mutual-feeling situation before.  I won’t deny, I’ve had guys who have liked me but either a.) I didn’t feel the same way about them or b.) they didn’t do anything about it.

It’s just…nice to be wanted.

I’ve never had a first kiss.  Or been out on a date.  I know I’m young still.  In those movies, I always have to imagine what being touched by the significant other feels like.  A brush against the shoulder, holding hands, all that snhazz.

Sigh.  I hate feeling pathetic.

~”I vow to help you love life, to always hold you with tenderness, and to have the patience that love demands. To speak when words are needed, and to share the silence when they’re not. To agree to disagree on red velvet cake, and to live within the warmth of your heart and always call it home.”~

When I wear those rose colored glasses, there really is a “me and you.”

Thank god it’s Wednesday

I’m skipping class tomorrow to go see The Vow. Sound like a good idea? Uhm…no. Especially after my last post. Think, Katie, think! This is where you change your habits.

Meh.

I’ll start next week. I SWEAR. I’m just sick of this week and I really don’t see the point in going to a class where I’m not going to pay attention. So I’ll end it on a positive note and go sit in an empty theatre (I LOVE empty theatres! Or near-empty).

Just this once…it’s my first time skipping math (I allow myself to skip once or twice a semester xP). I’ll study all weekend. That- I can’t promise.

Nutrition on the Go

As a commuting college student, I spend a lot of money on food.  I’ll just admit it.  You’d think I’d spend less money since I can eat at home but due to my weird class times, it’s more difficult than it sounds.  I wake up on Monday and Wednesday mornings at 6:30 and do NOT have the motivation to make two meals for the day.  I’m away from the house until past 6:30 (12 hours for you math haters) and have to pack food for my lunch and work break.  On Tuesdays, I can manage lunch but between my three hour break between my afternoon and night class, I’m starving and eat dinner before my three hour night class.  Getting Subway or Tim Hortons sounds so much more appealing than my peanut butter sandwich so that’s usually what I do (can’t have the jelly because the bread gets all soggy).  Also, there’s nothing to freaking eat in this house.  I exaggerate, of course.  My dad does the shopping and while he’s not the worst shopper in the world, he fails to stock up on the necessities until one of us finds the last can of tuna or eat the last two pieces of bread.  I know it sounds like I’m whining and am ungrateful.  I just can’t eat tomato soup and eggs everyday.  Well, ok, I could.

I was trying to find food for tomorrow and I was going to make an effort at bringing a homemade lunch.  Since tomorrow’s Ash Wednesday and my parents are Catholic and still don’t know I’m not, I had to pack a meatless meal.  So far I have carrot sticks and two hard boiled eggs.  That is NOT going to last me.  -side note- even though I’m not Catholic anymore, I find sacrificing something up for Lent ideal so I’m giving up spending money on anything other than gas and my phone bill-    Ok, so here I am trying to find a successful meal for my first day of sacrificing and we don’t have any bread, any meatless soup, and anything meatless-leftover in the fridge.  So it looks like I’m buying easy mac tomorrow.  Sigh.  Ooh, I should add macaroni and cheese to my dad’s grocery list too.  xP   This will be a good thing about moving away, I can buy my own meals.  Lots and lots of salads.  I hate spending money on food all the time, I really do.  It’s just that stopping somewhere isn’t that inconvenient and it tastes better.

On a side note, I don’t really understand Christians.  Young Christians…in college to be specific.  Supposedly they’re “Christians” but in my tweets and on Facebook, I only see things about partying, drinking, and getting laid.  It’s  so hypocritical.  I understand that they’re people too and make mistakes but isn’t that stuff “sinful” for them?  “Do as I say and not as I do” I guess?  I’m an atheist and I’m living a more “moral” life than them, how ironic.

Nonsense

Oh man, I had Chinese for dinner despite my promise not to eat it for a while.  We’ve never eaten it when the whole family’s here though; it’s always when my dad and brother are gone.

I’m feeling slightly better and I’m not even drugged on coffee!  I even started a study guide for my soc exam.  That’s probably as far as I’ll get for today but at least I’m making an effort.  xD

I have to thank my followers and viewers.  Holy jeepers, I had 49 views yesterday, awesome!  I know I don’t write the most entertaining or even blog-worthy topics but it’s nice to see the support!

So I’m making my workout playlist which is horribly overdue and I only have Michael Jackson’s “Beat It” and LMFAO’s “Party Rock Anthem.”  Any suggestions in that beat range?

Tomorrow’s another Monday…  I’m almost done with my gym class!  I think we finish before spring break.  Speaking of which, anyone doing anything for spring break 2012 or are you staying in town like me?  I honestly don’t understand how anyone can afford to go anywhere out of state unless you’re doing alternative spring breaks or your parents still pay for your vacation.  I went to a private school and I know a few people whose parents are paying for their college tuition AND spring break to Cancun.  What.the.hell.  People will never learn independence, yeesh.  I’ve never gone anywhere for spring break and never really had the desire to.  My friends and I have talked about going places but more for the sake of just going somewhere and definitely not to Cancun or Mexico.

I need goals…

Call soup kitchen and start volunteering no later than by the end of spring break

Start working out everyday like promised!

Lose 20 pounds before fall

Call WCC

Fill out applications- re-submit Starbucks too

Stop spending money on anything besides gas…and coffee.  Strictly coffee…and espresso.  Besides that, nada.

Start taking classes seriously- gotta keep up my 3.3 gpa!

Call dermatologist to get prescriptions renewed/whatevs before I move

Call NMU to see if I got my housing that I wanted

Get dad a birthday present

Listlessness

Due to the past two nights of me sitting with my parents and watching them talk and read, I think they took pity on me tonight and didn’t have a problem with me going to the movies later.  xD  There’s a plus side in there somewhere.

Lately, I’ve been feeling really unhappy because I’ve been stuck in the same routine.  I watched an episode of “Last Man Standing” (hilarious btw) and the theme was the lack of being spontaneous and adventurous.  I just read Lesley Carter’s post earlier and the same thing- spontaneity.  I would love to do something awesome like that.  I’m bored and I’m tired of the same school-work routine.  I know it’s what’s expected of me, being the typical 19 year old who’s going to school full-time and working part-time and I don’t have a problem with that but I feel like I should be making up for my boring-ness in my free time.  People ask, “What’s new with you?” and my typical response is, “Nothing really.”  I occasionally mention a test I have that week or something but it’s not much to add.  I’m finding I’m losing my focus in my classes and that’s definitely not good so early in the semester.  A kid sitting next to me in math class scoffed, “This is so easy,” and I laughed weakly but honestly had no clue what was going on because I hadn’t been paying attention since the beginning of the class.  I have an exam on Wednesday for sociology and I’ve kinda studied for it.

Speaking of which, I met with a fellow classmate to study for the socio exam and he doesn’t even have a book.  So basically he just wanted to mooch off my answers.  Why would you NOT have a book a month into the semester?  And think that I’m going to let him use me like that?  He wanted to study again this weekend but I made an excuse.

So yeah, I’m going out tonight.  My little brother’s tagging along.  I told him he could come only if my dad said yes.  It’s from 9-11pm so I hardly thought he would say yes on a church night.  I don’t mind though.  It’s a movie so he can’t wreak too much havoc.  We’re going to see “The Secret World of Arriety.”  I’ve never seen an anime film before but I liked The Borrowers so it should be cool.

Plus, any excuse to get coffee during the weekend is good by me.

Shucks, this means I’ll have to change out of my sweats I’ve been in all day.  Almost made it.

Promise Unspoken

“if” became “when”

It seemed almost real

Just changing that wording

Like a promise unspoken

We made plans to meet next summer

We chattered excitedly about the things we’d do

The hikes we’d take

The city we would roam

But now…it all seems like a lot of nothing

Just words

Stop talking and show me

The Lonely

 

Story of my life.

Such a pretty song though…