whirlwind of thoughts

I’m one of “those” people who wake up at 6am to get a parking spot.  I’d rather not and I don’t have to be but it would totally mess up the flow of my schedule.  So then I have to debate over what to do during my hour before class.  Writing this blog post and listening to Amy Winehouse was what happened today.  I couldn’t really justify bringing my laptop either because that would mean another trip to the car. Dumb, I know, but I have my system.  I learned in psychology that humans are naturally lazy (that, I know) and that we tend to choose the option that is going to be the least amount of work.

I asked for a Shamrock shake this morning because I’ve never had one before and I saw in someone’s Twitter feed that they were back.  I got a vanilla shake instead. -.- Nevertheless, being the non-confrontational person that I am, I drank it.

Ooh, there’s a booksale at the library this Saturday.  I love booksales.  I need to get monies.

“At Last” is just something you need to blast in order to get the full feel-good effect.  The one that warms you all inside.

Le sigh.   I wish people sang about other things besides love.  I love Adele and Amy but still…bleh.

Ooh, so I was looking at social work stuff and I’m seriously debating on whether I should be a caseworker and work for CPS or be a counselor.  In a non-creepy way, I need to work with kids more.  I’m not comfortable around them to where I should be relatively and I need to see if it’s because I just lack experience or if it’s a hopeless case.  I don’t seem to have that natural mother-type instinct a lot of my friends have.  If I’m completely horrible at it, I’ll do counseling.  I’m trying to get in this program where you can mentor kids who come from abused backgrounds.  I talked to the supervisor already and even though I’m not 21 yet, she said it would be ok.  I just need to go through the training.  I’m a bit nervous.  It would just be me and the kid.  I’m actually glad I didn’t start at the battered women’s shelter.  It would have been a rewarding experience, I’m sure.  Just that it’s not in my range of interests.  I’m not really into the whole domestic violence section.  But yeah, if I could get into that place, it would give me 4-ish months of experience before I transfer which would be awesome.

So I’ve been thinking about the whole “love and relationships” thing.  You know how some people say that there are those single people who “make the choice” to be single?  They scorn those single people because it’s all excuses for as why one can’t land a date or why they aren’t attractive.  I was one of those single people.  I might even still.  Here’s my reasoning though.  You’ve got to have a positive outlook or own that awful realization and make it your bitch or you’ll appear even more a loser.  What else are you going to tell your family and friends?  Which one sounds better?  “No one will ask me out because I’m ugly and my self-esteem sucks.” or “I’ve made the choice to be single because I don’t really want a relationship right now.”

I know I’m single still because I don’t look like the other girls.  I’m not a model.  I’m not a size 4.  I don’t have flawless skin.  I’m not gorgeous.

It’s my own fault though too.  I don’t care about how I look.  I’ll admit it.  I wear hoodies and jeans.  Deal with it.  I never wear makeup nor want to.  I can’t get my self-esteem high up enough to think that any guy is looking at me in an attractive way.

I promised myself no guy would get in the way of me going places.  I’m going onto graduate school.  I’m going overseas.  I won’t be tied to something that may not even be forever.  Speaking of which, why do people make promises like, “I’ll always love you and be with you forever.” Forever is a long time…  I don’t get the sense of making nonsensical sentiments.

I don’t honestly think I’ll be in a relationship anyway.  I’m ok with that.  Really.  I don’t lament over my singleness every second or hour of the day.  I’ve got better things to do. I’m patient.


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