I haven’t been writing much lately.  Due to the combination of emotional stress and the lack of a topic to write about, I haven’t had much to say.  Still don’t really but I thought I’d pop in every now and then.  I just feel hopeless and helpless right now but I’m looking forward to spring break.  I’m trying to get together with a friend.  I was due to visit her a long time ago at her college and I figure that while I’ve got time and no due dates, I’ll visit her.  We’re still working on dates though.  My dad gave his disgruntled “ok” which was surprising, I thought he’d put up more resistance than that.  If my friend’s too busy though, I still might go somewhere.  Just to get away, I dunno.  A refresher weekend would be nice.  I’d probably go up north.

Anyway, only two more months of school left!  Two more months until my orientation.  It’ll be my birthday while I’m up there for orientation.

My mom’s interviewing for a new job, I hope she gets it.  For the sake of her getting it and so I can go to orientation by myself.  ^_^   Ahh, I can’t wait to be up there.  By myself.  With no family, no religion, no obligations.  Already, my family’s planning a vacation around taking me to college, oh goodie, my last family festivities.  Sorry…it’s not like I don’t love my family but what 19 year old isn’t sick of their parents?

With the whole religion thing, I try.  I really do.  I go to church every Sunday without complaining, I pray before meals with the rest of the family, I don’t eat meat on Fridays, I just make an effort to cooperate.  Yesterday, I was at this four hour long event with my family for my brother’s confirmation and the atmosphere which I once thought was energizing and kinda cool is now washed-out and a strange place to be in.  I’m an outsider.  I want to be an outsider but I shouldn’t even be an outsider.  I can’t wait until I’m free from all of this.  I really want to tell my parents but I really want these next few months to not be awkward between us all.  I know for a fact that I’d get even more snide comments and stony glances.  Maybe I’m chicken but it’s just not worth destroying the peace.  My mom said my dad thinks I’m going to stop going to church when I move.  He’s right.  I wish they understood that it’s not because I’m lazy or don’t want to make an effort; it’s because it’s not who I am and I wish they could respect that.


Today’s my last day of actual gym class.  I mean, I have Wednesday but we’re not doing anything really.  I’ll actually miss this class.  This means I’m going to have to start working out at the gym now.  I’ve got the membership until May.  Or April, I forget.  Then, I’m left on my own during the summer O.o scary thought.  I’m going to start jogging/walking in the early morning though.  7:30am on summer mornings.  I DO this to myself.  I hate walking in the heat though.  I’m really looking forward to actually getting to class on time, the brisk walk from gym (with wet hair) was cutting it close.

I really need coffee.  I can’t drink it before gym otherwise I get hydrated and have to pee a lot.  I can’t wait to get my own coffee maker too.  I was just looking for a normal coffee pot but now, I’m thinking I can’t live without espresso and it would just be cheaper to get a combo coffee/espresso maker than buy espresso from Starbucks.



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