Things are not what they seem…

I’m really lonely.

Not homesick, just lonely.

Mind you, I’ve met a lot of great people and everything, just no one that I’ve really clicked with.  Not to mention the lovely people I am not at all fond of and have to design routes to avoid walking past their doors.

Another thing that’s been bothering me, why is it so important to me to know who I am?  With college, I’m surrounded by boys, the temptation to hook up for the night, alcohol, other not-smart decisions.  If I want those things, does that mean that’s a part of me I have to satisfy?  At the same time, I have the same questions when I’m doing positive things, like going to open doors and introducing myself.  That’s where I get confused since I’m having the same uncomfortable, awkward feeling for good and bad things.

I take bike rides to the beach when I can’t stand it any more, when I can’t stand just laying there and feeling sorry for myself.  Needless to say, I’ve been taking those rides quite often.

I wish I could just be rid of these clouds hovering over.  I mean, what on earth do I have to be unhappy about?  I’m at a new school, I’m away from my parents, away from home, away from being smothered, I have a brand new life, this is all I ever dreamed about.  I’m in a beautiful place with the beach five minutes or so away.

I just don’t know.


5 Responses

  1. I had the same problems last year. However, I acted upon them for a few months (as in partying and drinking like a stupid college kid). It does nothing. It does not get you friends. It does not make you more cool. It does nothing like the movies except the mistakes that come with it [I got lucky in that part].

    Give it a couple of weeks. Check out campus organizations, see how you can get involved. You will find a group that you love, or people that share your passions, and it will soothe the burn of loneliness.

    It’s going to get better. You just have to focus on the positives at the moment. It helps out a load!

    You got this!


    • Yeah, I mean, I tried the whole drinking thing and while I don’t mind it, I don’t like getting wasted or anything like that. I don’t see what good it does. I see the hardcore drinkers and I think, “Who are you trying to be” or “What are you trying to distract yourself from?” As for organizations, the ones I’m interested in haven’t started yet. :/ Guess I’ll just have to preoccupy my time some way else. It’s only the second week after all so I can’t lose hope yet! Thanks and hope all is well with you!

  2. Just keep taking steps. Gravitate toward what makes your heart sing, and no, I don’t mean another person. I mean a joy, a passion. ❤

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